Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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