Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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