i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize