Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
