hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
