Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
