You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
