you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
