Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
