Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize