At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
