I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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