Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
