I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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