its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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