So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
