The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
