So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
