Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
