your thong is hanging out like whoa
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize