that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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