Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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