I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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