i jhust puked up my retainher.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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