I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
i believe in u and ur pee
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
