I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
