i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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