Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
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