I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
