My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
