I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
