problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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