you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
