so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize