"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
