Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize