Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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