last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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