so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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