I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize