I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
