The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
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