I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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