i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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