I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize