party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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