I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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