Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
