I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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