he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
