why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize