why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
