hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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