There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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