My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
