Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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