So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
