i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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