i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Randomize
