Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
