He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
How does it feel to date your dad?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
