If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
