Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
