i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
