oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize