**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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