she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
