I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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