I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
this boner is exhausting
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
