is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
