Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
