Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
