He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
