My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
