His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
