omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize