it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
