Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
