Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
