I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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