Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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