drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize