hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
