I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
